She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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