True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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