my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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