Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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