Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
