Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
