Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
