I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The air was thick with penises
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
