toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
