Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
