i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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