we have pet lesbian snakes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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