u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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