Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
