my phone needs a breathalizer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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