the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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