I think my vagina is haunted
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
