Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
