worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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