Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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