Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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