Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
