She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
