Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
