I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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