u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
