I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
