She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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