I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
