We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
