Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
