3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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