It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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