HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
