and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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