1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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