why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
