mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
