I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
