U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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