That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
