Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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