We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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