god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
