I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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