life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm both gender and math confused
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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