I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
