Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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