You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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