We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
