my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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