i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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