I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
