Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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