lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
