She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
