So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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