I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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