Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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