You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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