The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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