You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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