I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
