I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
