for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
