Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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