we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
