You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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