I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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